What I would love to chat about in this blog is something that I came across while reading The Universe Has Your Back, written by Gabrielle Bernstein. This book really found me at the right time in my life. I've been taking a lot of big steps toward building a solid foundation for my business and, even though I'm only about halfway into it, the book has really given me a lot of strength and even a sense of relief. I love Bernstein's casual, yet eloquent, writing style and she offers practical guidance that I have been able to apply instantly into my life.
I think Gabrielle is an amazing writer, no need to even point it out! Her books have changed thousands of people's lives and she has done so much to make the world a more loving and beautiful place, but one thing I read today kind of caught me off-guard and I have to say I don't agree with it. Or at least, I don't agree with my understanding of what I read, because I have no idea of what her true intention was when she wrote it, but I have chosen to write about it today, to give myself a chance to understand it and play with the idea. Even when you love another person (or writer, or movie, or whatever) that doesn't necessarily mean you have to agree with everything they say (or write) or everything they believe in and I think that someone like Gabrielle would understand this. So I'm writing this blog not to discredit her work, but merely to give myself a deeper understanding of my own thoughts and hopefully reach others who resonate with the same thoughts.
Bernstein writes, "Leaning towards joy is not our default", meaning that we have to choose to lean towards joy consciously in order to make it more natural to us. I wholeheartedly agree that we do have to choose joy as often as we can, but I don't agree with her choice of words. You see, I do believe that joy, success, love and well-being IS our default. It is our natural state of being and when we truly let go of our need to control and manage and manipulate people, situations and emotions... We would naturally ease back into our default - which is joy, ease, and love.
We have, however, been trained to think that people are inherently sinful. As young children one of the very first things we are taught is that Adam and Eve were banished from the garden of Eden for sinning and that there is a mighty god in the sky, judging our every move and evaluating whether we are worthy of entering through the gates to the promised land. Subconsciously we believe that we are inherently sinful (or bad) which has a profound influence on our lives. If you are of the opinion, especially deep in your subconscious mind, that you are an inherently sinful being, that will inevitably lead to other assumptions, like "I am not good enough" or "I don't deserve happiness".
A belief does not necessarily mean something is true, but if a person believes that it is, it will influence everything in their life. If there is a subliminal belief in your mind that you are intrinsically bad (and therefore you don't deserve good), that is going to set the tone for the rest of your life and influence every part of it. You will step into relationships that don't serve you and you would be more inclined to allow emotionally or physically abusive relationships in your life. You will settle for a job you don't love, because you don't believe you could do (or even deserve) any better. You are more susceptible to things like over eating, not eating healthy enough, not taking care of your body through exercise you enjoy and possibly smoking or excessive drinking as a form of self-punishment, because of this crazy belief that you are a sinful, bad, repentant being (because of something that two people in an enchanted garden did wrong).
"Leaning towards joy is not our default". I disagree with this statement, because (personally) I feel like it suggests that our default is to lean towards despair, trials and tribulations. Which is not true. Sure, we are trained, from a very young age I might add, that we are miserable beings who make poor decisions and that are constantly destroying the only planet we can live on and we're in dire need of saving from our scandalous sins caused by our own sinful nature... But that doesn't that mean we are. In fact, what did people think was going to happen?
"Let's teach kids that they are inherently sinful human beings and they need to repent for their wicked ways to an angry god in the sky and then we'll just expect of them to grow up confidently with a strong sense of self-worth (you know despite us having just told them they're inherently bad) and I'm sure they will make good decisions that will benefit the planet and the well-being of others. Sounds like a good plan."
NO. If you were to raise a perfectly healthy child with the belief that he will never be able to walk, he's not going to be able to walk. If every time he tries to get up, you scold him and tell him he can't walk, he must crawl, eventually he's going to accept this as a fact and he won't be able to walk until someone else comes along and helps him change his deep-rooted belief that he is unable to walk. The same thing happens when a child is raised in an environment where he or she is constantly told that they are stupid - they will believe it and it's very likely that (if no other authority figure in his/her life is there to help them believe otherwise) that child will not do well in school, because there is an unconscious belief present that they are not capable of understanding schoolwork. I'd like to point out that the child was not born without the ability to learn, but their unconscious belief that they are not smart enough will block their capabilities and limit their perseverance to learn and grow.
Similarly, I believe saying "Leaning toward joy is not our default" is a limiting belief that we need not agree with anymore and it's something that I will stop using as an excuse. If you believe that leaning toward joy is not our default, you will find it difficult to think positive thoughts and make better decisions in your day-to-day life, because you'll be stuck in the subliminal patter that you are inclined to be miserable.
NO. You have been trained to be miserable, to believe that life is hard and that love is difficult to find. Your true natural state, however, is the opposite! Once you remember that your natural state is one of well-being and joy, it will be all the more easy to choose joy more often every day of your life. And the more you choose joy, the better your life will be. As Bernstein writes, "When joy becomes your priority, making decisions becomes easier, relationships become more loving and you start to trust that the Universe has your back."
Unfortunately, many people believe that suffering is a virtue and that a meaningful life requires struggle... These are only more limiting beliefs that are shaping your life and holding you back from greatness! In reality, when you are happy and confident in your sense of self and self-worth, you are able to do so much more for this world and your presence will shine a bright light for those still trapped in the dark.
Leaning toward joy is our default. You don't have to do something or overcome anything to become worthy, by virtue of your human nature, you are worthy. You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars. Your natural state is happiness, not because of what you do, but who you are.
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